from Tia Woods Letter- 2007. 4. 18
  ±Û¾´ÀÌ : ±è»ó¼ö     ³¯Â¥ : 07-04-19 15:56     Á¶È¸ : 21153    

Dear  Kim

I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. But once again i'm confused.
My profession right now is modelling, why am i so embarrassed to say it? and sometimes i find it hard to tell people and friends that this is what i do. I don't go to school, i'm not doing normal teenager things like i use to, infact it feels like im living in the body of a 20 year old woman. normal? I have to keep reminding myself that my life is a lot different from any other 16 year old girl. I remind myself everyday, that i've been blessed with an opportunity, a chance, a career. I'm sure that the general public wouldn't pick me to be a model, i don't look like one naturally, i don't potray it in an obvious way and i like it. Modelling has always been a curiosity to me since i was a little girl, always dressing up and experimenting with makep, but never in all my life did i expect modelling as my career path or future. When i think sixteen, i think, confused, alcohol, partying, experimenting, sex, boys, freedom, young and stupid. The fact is, being a teenager allows us to make mistakes and to be able to learn from them. If you do not learn from your mistakes, you won't learn at all. 

My dad despises me getting drunk, to drink to get drunk that is. I agree with him on every term. Listen to people who are older than you, they are wiser than you and they know shit. But who "moderatley" drink's now days? to be honest moderatley drinking in New Zealand is out of the teenage culture. I suppose i learn't my lesson in the drinking area, i've had bad experiences with drinking, and im over waking up the next morning feeling like shit. So i've resorted to taking the booze easy now. A choice i made.

Then there's boy's, a huge factor for all 16 year old girls. I'm still confused about lust and love. But when do we discover ourselves as sexual beings or an object of desire? My realisation began at high school, my 5th form year. I hung out with my closest friend abby, at this crucial age, 16, i began to learn more about myself, my feelings and of course  interaction with boys.  Girls are so scandelous at our age. Looking back now, on that year, 2006, i think how ridiculous, how typical. My last year was the most lived year of my teenage life. It almost felt like my last. I feel now, 2007, it seems almost too hard to be a teenager again, knowing that my future in modelling is now my real focus. I've realized how immature and foolish i really was back then, now i've grown up quickly, in amongst mature and older people in the modelling industry. Still, when i go back home to the waikato and see my friends, i've noticed how they haven't changed,
still young, still being teenagers. I'm almost jealous and envious by it.
 
Without friends like abby, and my sister naria, i wouldn't be me. They've not only inspired me, but they've been my steeping stones, teaching me from what they have experienced. I thank them always.

Sex, the most talked about topic of our youth. It's not something that's free, I ask myself how much am i willing to give? or to lose? i suppose i still have yet to discover that as a young girl i must know what my inhibitions are. Sex can be something unexpected, fulfilling, enjoyable and somewhat regrettable. People have their own purposes towards sex, pleasure and love right? What happens if you do sleep with someone to know afterwards that they don't love you back? a regretting experience? a broken heart? or maybe you'll just move on? To have sex or not to have sex? i suppose we should ask ourselves why before we attempt it.

I'm still on the search towards self-discovery, i'm trying to figure out why being a teenager is so hard. To get along with your parents can be difficult, our hormones are raging and our mood changes. I'm not that little girl anymore, or so thats what i think. However, in my mother's eye's i am still that little girl. I'm now living away from home, and i miss my family more than i ever have before. I've learn't to love my family much more everyday.

My experiences with boy life so far is you must be honest. Honesty is the biggest policy. I know a few boy's i've been involved with have lacked honesty. I hate liars, especially boy's in a relationship, they don't realize that their unfaithfulness hurts us more than anything .The feeling of being used and cheated upon is something i may have to get used to eventually. I wish i could trust easily, but i can't. No matter how much i want a boyfriend, i don't think i can master the time and commitment. There's heaps of time to love someone, but not just yet. I loved a certain guy, i confess. This guy was different, or so i thought. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about him, he made me happy, seem to show great affection when we were together. I loved how realistic he was, he was in a similar boat in life to me and i could relate to him in many ways. But when it came to wanting to really love him, it was different, i think he didn't want to commit, i was more or less affraid to aswell . Thing's between us seemed to depart separate ways. Just another boy just another knotch on the old belt.

i'm still 16, with a lot of life experience already. someone once said that "Life is not measured in years;but what you take from the life around you and what you decide to learn from it"  My experiences in the modelling industry is that people are all smiliar. They're interesting sorts of people. They do work hard, it's a very hectic indusrty where the general public and world blame the models on different levels of teenage girls issues, looks, body types, drugs etc. It's an indusrty where i have to be prepared for the worst. I guess thats why i want to be as driven and dedicated to my job as much as possible, so that i can make good decisions, trust those around me, make something of myself and live the dream for those who cannot. I'm a grounded person and i appreciate my family and friends who push me, who support me and who guide me.

Without people like them, i wouldn't be living my dream. I do get critisim from people, and that's what i have to prepare myself for, as long as i know what my job involves then i have no doubts in my mind. I don't feel that i have to prove anything to anyone, i'm living my own life for my ownsake and no one elses. I want to one day be able to influence young girls with my own experiences. I think it's important to all young girls out there to be careful, to make the right choices, to sit down and get to know 'yourself' and to think before you act.

I'm an independant person now, more of a woman. Mature and focused on the journey tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. I've grown up quickly and i'm not affraid of that. No one can ever say that i'm too young to be doing what i'm doing, in the end my decisions will reflect on only what i will become and achieve. I wan't to be successful, and it starts by self-belief and taking every opportunity infront of you. If you don't, you'll be left wondering for a long time.
 
                                                      Tia Woods